Lyrics Of Love And Life
by I'mDifferent-GetOverIt
Summary: Formerly "Songs Of Zarter". Songfics for Zia and Carter! Chapter 14: "Cold As You", by Taylor Swift. Despite being apt at controlling fire, Zia had the tendency to be cold.
1. All She Knows by Bruno Mars

**All She Knows**

**A/N: Carter: Why do you keep writing Zia and I like this?**

**Diffy: 'Cause I like it.**

**Zia: Lame reason.**

**Carter: Jeez, what if she owned the series, and wrote the books like this.**

**Zia: Oh gods, that would be awful. Thank the gods she doesn't.**

**Diffy: I'm not Bruno Mars either, so I don't own the song.**

_Once again you're home alone  
>Tears running from your eyes<br>And I'm on the outside  
>Knowing that you're all I want<br>But I can't do anything  
>I'm so helpless baby<em>

Carter passed by Zia, who was standing on the balcony, staring out into the the Manhattan skyline. He could see the tracks the tears made on her cheeks, and wanted nothing more than the wipe them away, comfort her, hold her, take away the pain. All he wanted was to be hers, to have her let him love her.

_Everyday same old things  
>So used to feeling pain<br>Never had real love before  
>And it ain't her fault<em>

Carter knew why she was crying. She was confused. She was scared. She didn't show it, but he could still see it in her eyes. The Serpent had destroyed her home when she was eight, killed her parents, wiped her memory, when it wasn't even to full power. She had seen it, which was far more scarring than merely hearing about it. Zia had had so little love in her life, he just wanted to show her that he really did love her, that things could work out. The worst part was...none of it was her fault. She didn't deserve it.

_She knows better but  
>She can't help it<br>Wanna tell her  
>But would that be selfish<br>How do you heal  
>A heart that can't feel, it's broken<br>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows  
>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows<em>

Zia knew that she loved Carter, and possibly that Carter loved her, but she couldn't help but stay closed off. They both wanted to say something, but neither would. He wanted to know how to heal that pain she was feeling. No matter how much she denied it, he could see it in her eyes. She'd had so little love in her life, only a half a handful of people.

_You've been living this way so long  
>You don't know the difference<br>And it's killing me  
>Cause you can have so much more<br>I'm the one your looking for  
>But you close your eyes on me<br>So you still can't see_

"Zia, you've gotten far too used to this pain. All your suffering makes me feel so angry, and mixed up and just upset. You could have so much, but you're closed off. I know you're trying to find out what's true and what's not, but we can help. Zia, please," he wanted to say. He wanted her to let him love her.

_Everyday same old things  
>So used to feeling pain<br>Never had real love before  
>And it ain't her fault<em>

_She knows better but  
>She can't help it<br>Wanna tell her  
>But would that be selfish<br>How do you heal  
>A heart that can't feel, it's broken<br>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows  
>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows<em> 

Zia was used to the pain. She didn't feel it as much, but she was still crumbling. She wanted to let it all out, but she couldn't. She wouldn't. No matter how much her heart urged her to.

Carter wanted to love her so badly. Just take away all the suffering that damn serpent had caused. He swore to himself he would do anything to heal that pain.

_All she knows is the pain  
>In the corner of an empty home<br>She's still comfortable  
>I want her to know<br>It can be better than this  
>I can't pretend<br>Wish we were more than friends_

All Zia knew was the pain of...well, everything. At one point or another, everything she had ever loved or trusted had been ripped away from her. That pain was all she knew. Nothing else was permanent.

Carter wanted so freaking badly to just wrap his arms around her and hold her while she cried. He wanted to make her feel loved, because she was, by him. He didn't want to be "just friends" because he sure as Set was red didn't feel that.

_She knows better but  
>She can't help it<br>Wanna tell her  
>But would that be selfish<br>How do you heal  
>A heart that can't feel, it's broken<br>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows  
>His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows<em>

Carter took a step forward. "Zia."

She turned, trying to hide the sadness.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You've got a lot of pain and I just wanted you to know, I'm here."

Zia looked at him for a moment, and just when he was about to leave, her will crumbled and she stepped right into his warm embrace, finally letting out all her suffering.

**A/N: Sadie: You, Diffy, are a weirdo.**

**Diffy: Thank you.**

**Sadie: Creep.**

**Diffy: Whatever. REVIEW PLEASE! :D**


	2. Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

**Vanilla Twilight**

**A/N: Heya. If anyone bothered to follow this story. :P But oh well, I'm adding to it anyway! I was listening to my Zarter playlist that I made on YouTube, and this song came on. I was listening to it, and I could not deny that I HAD to write something for this. So here it is. Ta-da!**

**Anyway, sorry it took so long. I got distracted my wanting to murder Rick Riordan (who owns this stuff, except the lyrics, which belong to Owl City) for leaving us with such a major cliffie for The Son of Neptune. I MEAN HONESTLY! I slammed my book shut and was all, "DAMNIT!"**

**Anyway, enough of my pointless ranting, and on with the actual writing!**

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_The stars lean down to kiss you,  
>And I lie awake I miss you,<br>Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.  
>Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,<br>But I'll miss your arms around me  
>I'll send a postcard to you dear,<br>Cause I wish you were here._

I lie awake in my bed, like so many other nights. Of course, _she_ was on my mind: Zia Rashid. She had only been clay, a _shabti_, a placeholder. After losing Mom all those years ago, and then Dad, I thought she would be there. But it wasn't so. She hadn't left of her own accord; she had been forced. Set, the only time she'd met me, she was about to kill me. It hurt more, knowing that all I had felt was was shattered now, with her clay figure. A million questions bubbled in my mind, keeping me awake. _Where is she? Does she act like her _shabti_? Is she even _alive_ anymore?_ I wanted nothing more than to know the answers to these questions, and have her—the _real_ Zia—with me.

_I watch the night turn light blue,  
>But it's not the same without you,<br>Because it takes two to whisper quietly,  
>The silence isn't so bad,<br>Till I look at my hands and feel sad,  
>Cause the spaces between my fingers<br>Are right where yours fit perfectly._

I stumbled out of bed, the pillow hitting the ground with a slight _thwump._ I didn't bother picking it up. The red numbers on my clock sitting on the nightstand blared the time: one AM. I slid open the glass door that led to the small balcony. I sank into a lawn chair, resting my elbows on my knees and my head on my hands. I looked up to the moon, remembering how the two of us had whispered quietly, trying not to wake my slumbering sister, and her hand in mine, our fingers intertwined. I shifted my right hand out from under my chin, remembering the exact way it felt, her fingers locked with mine, fitting perfectly in the spaces between my fingers.

_I'll find repose in new ways,  
>Though I haven't slept in two days,<br>Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.  
>But drenched in Vanilla twilight,<br>I'll sit on the front porch all night,  
>Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.<br>I don't feel so alone.  
>I don't feel so alone.<br>I don't feel so alone._

I felt exhausted—and not in the physical way, despite it being my third night in a row without any sleep. Some nights, I was lucky enough to get a few hours, and even then, my slumber was haunted with memories and the occasional _ba_ trip. Every time I thought of her, something stirred inside of me. It was an emotion so strong, I couldn't deny it. It made me feel slightly less alone, though.

_As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.  
>I'll think of you tonight.<em>

_When violet eyes get brighter,  
>And heavy wings grow lighter,<br>I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.  
>And I'll forget the world that I knew,<br>But I swear I won't forget you,  
>Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,<br>I'd whisper in your ear,  
>Oh darling I wish you were here.<em>

I remembered the way her amber eyes had lightened with happiness, as she held my hand. _That wasn't really her_, I had to remind myself. But my wandering mind wondered if the _real_ her would have felt the same way. Each memory made me feel like flying and tied to the ground at the same time. It was a very peculiar feeling.

Every once in a while, I'd lean against the railing and gaze at the stars, wondering if she remembers things like I do. It was possible. I _had_ seen her _shabti_ send off memories. Maybe she kept them.

I sighed. They were all hopes, and there was no telling where they would go.

**A/N: I honestly have no clue where most of this came from. Here, its 1AM, and I just got yelled at to go to sleep, but I stayed up because I HAD to finish this. I could not leave it hanging.**

**I rather like the way it turned out, but I want to know what YOU guys think. So, review please! :D Thanks!**

**I love you all,**

**Diffy**


	3. Breakeven by The Script

**Breakeven**

**A/N: Hello again! I have returned with Zarterfulness! YAY! :D**

**Its kinda angsty, but hey...I'm stopping 2012 here. That's an interesting story...tell me if you want to know.**

**Anywho, I have a funny story to go with this song: Once upon a time, a young girl, about middle school age, sat in a frozen yogurt shop, with three friends. The four girls ate their yogurt, talking all the while about a wide range of subjects. On the radio, a song came on: _Breakeven_ by The Script. The first girl paused eating for a moment, and smiled. It reminded her of a friend/long-lost sister, who had mentioned the song for one of their favorite pairings: Zarter, or Zia and Carter. She listened to the song, one thought running through her mind repeatedly: "ZARTERFULNESS! EEEK! :3 ...YUMMY YOGURT!"**

**Disclaimer: Characters, © Rick Riordan. Song, © The Script.**

Carter stared after Zia, as she stepped through the portal. Their goodbye had been so forced, and formal, maybe even hostile. Her eyes had been unreadable, masked by a shield of walls she had built a long time ago to hide her feelings, which were gods-know-what.

He paused. That had been the first time she had looked him in the eye for...well, ever since he saved her. He wondered why.

To him, it felt like being underwater too long, and slowly suffocating. She was okay, but Carter surely wasn't. She had always been the best part of him, and now she was back and very much alive, but gone at the same time. She wasn't around him, making him smile, even when he was at his worst. She was emotionally gone. She had moved on, never feeling anything true for him, he supposed. Meanwhile, he was still grieving.

But he was right about one thing: she still held his heart in her hands.

Carter sighed, and went back to his room, Sadie staying on the balcony to talk to Walt for a few minutes.

He stood by the doors, leading out to the balcony, looking up at the stars, and just...thinking.

"_Bad things happen for a reason, Carter."_

The words from his father, so long ago, came back to him. It had been right after he had come home. With_out_ the beloved Ruby Kane. He winced at the memory, feeling himself fall apart a little more every second without her arms around him, wondering if his dad had felt the same way.

_I got time, while she got freedom, _he thought. _Freedom from this torture we call love._

No heart breaks even. At least, not without both knowing it.

Zia Rashid sat on her bed in the First Nome with a sigh. She felt...empty. Almost like she was suffocating. She felt something for him, Carter Kane, and she knew it. But she didn't know what, and kept quiet. That was her motto: _Keep quiet and you'll do fine_. She was confused, most of all.

"He's probably not confused at all," she mumbled under her breath, looking up at the stars. She was trying to make sense of what little remained of her preveious life: one with Iskandar, and her small sphere of happiness. That had been all she had once needed.

Now, she wondered. Mostly about Carter Kane. What was he to her? How did he feel about her? More importantly and confusingly: How did _she _feel about _him_?

It was all so new to her: the way her heart pounded when he was near, the way she felt like he could break down every protective wall she'd ever built in one swift move, the way she just wanted to drop everything when he was around. She didn't understand it, being her. She was logic first, then feelings. This time, it seemed like her feelings were taking control, and no matter how hard she tried, they wouldn't go away. She at least managed to force them back most of the time.

Zia was confused, but one thing was clear: Carter wasn't confused at all. When she was.

She groaned, wondering why the Set love couldn't be simple and less painful.

A familiar, comforting voice came into her mind, the voice of Nephthys, saying, _"My child, love is neither simple, nor painful. Love is the least painful thing on Geb. Its rejection and confusion, and heartbreak that hurt. Love isn't even, because if it was, we wouldn't be anywhere. Those who love us, and those we love, we are there to help each other out of the struggle. If we all had the same problem, it would do no good to try to help."_

Zia pondered these words of wisdom, over analyzing things, like usual.

_Because when a heart breaks, it don't breakeven._

**A/N: I kinda strayed away from the song at places, but I tried my best. This was the first time I used this format, and I like it better. You get the story better. :) What did you guys think? It was kinda short, huh? Review please!**


	4. I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor

**I'm Only Me When I'm With You by Taylor Swift**

**A/N: Hey! :) This is one of my favorite song by Taylor Swift, and I hope you guys love it too!**

**Disclaimer: Characters are property or Rick Riordan. Song property of Taylor Swift and all other respective owners.**

**Dedication: To FlameTamer16 and Animal Charmer 11. I'm Only Me When I'm With You guys! I could have never asked for better long-lost sisters.**

**Z**

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**A**

I'm the type of person who keeps secrets...most of the time. Carter is the only person I can't keep a secret from. I can't even fake a smile around him. Even Iskandar couldn't always see through my false grins.

One Friday night, the rest of Brooklyn House was off watching a movie, or in their rooms, Carter and I sat in the library, underneath this glass dome, where you could see the stars perfectly. We were looking through a scroll on constellations, finding them in the starry sky. Everything in that moment just felt _right_. I knew that everything I would ever need to live, to love, to laugh, was right by my side, in the form of a teenage combat magician.

Truth be told, I like the person inside, the one I hide, a lot better than the one I fake. There's two Zia Rashids; one inside and one out. The one on the outside doesn't show love or compassion. The one on the inside is almost her total opposite. She loves to laugh, and secretly wants to find true love one day. She loves dancing in the rain. She loves to sing along to whatever song, no matter how terrible her voice sounds. The Zia inside, the one I _want_ to be more often, only comes out around Carter, no matter how hard I try.

_I'm only me, who I wanna be, when I'm with you..._

By that time, Carter and I knew each other inside and out. He was the only person who truly understood me; the real me. He knew what it was like: losing a parent, your life changing so quickly and abruptly, the crushing weight of being forced to grow up too soon.

"I can't live without you, Carter," I whispered.

He grinned at me. "I don't want to try."

We were both laying on our backs, our eyes trying to focus on the stars, but I know mine were drifting to him more often than not. I had perched my ankles on a shelf of a nearby bookshelf, my head right near his shoulder. Our hands were just barely touching in between us.

He smiled at me again. I returned it gladly. His smile always, always, _always_ made me smile. I don't know why, it just did.

Here we were, a small-town boy and girl, possibly love-struck, just trying to figure out how to save the world from a giant evil snake. Half the time, we were driving each other insane, but the other half, we were inseparable. Set, we were inseparable even when we drove each other insane.

I never wanted to be without him. He brought out the best in me, and I always felt euphoric around him. I was only ever feeling purely happy when he was. He just had that effect on me.

We were that odd stage of really-liking-each-other-but-trying-not-to-show-it-even-if-its-completely-obvious-to-everyone-but-us. It was awkward, but also nice in a way. We weren't caught up in being labeled as a couple, or anything, just Zia and Carter.

Zia and Carter. I could get used to the sound of that.

**A/N: Sorry it was so short. :( Review please! They make me happy! :D**


	5. Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley feat Al

**Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisely feat. Alison Krauss**

**A/N: This is perhaps the ansgty-est thing I have ever written. Heck, it IS.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. (Random TKC Characters: THANK THE GODS YOU WOULD KILL EVERYONE!)**

_**WARNING: EXTREMELY ANGSTY; INCLUDES CHARACTER SUICIDE. I WOULD NOT READ IF UNDER AGE 12.**_

_The after-the-battle-party..._

Sixteen-year-old Carter Kane walked through the crowd, feeling ecstatic. The battle had been won! There were few casualties! Zia had survived! He scanned the crowd, searching for the girl he loved.

There she was, on the balcony, alone, looking up at the stars. Carter made his way to her.

"Hey, Zia."

She didn't respond at first.

"Zia?" Carter asked.

"Oh, hello," she replied, her voice tense, guarded. She didn't turn to look at him.

"What's wrong? The battle's over."

"Carter..." She sighed. "I'm sorry. I just can't do this. I'm not the girl you will one day marry. I know you love me, but..." _I feel the same way. I just can't do this._ "I'm sorry, it just won't work."

She turned, and tried to walk away, but his hand on her arm stopped him. "You won't even try?"

Zia shook her head. "No...I'll only hurt you."

"You're hurting me now!"

She gently unwound his fingers from her arm, walking away, knowing that with each step she took, two hearts—his and hers—were breaking. No, it was beyond breaking; they were shattering, crumbling to dust, nothingness.

Still, she continued walking away, each footstep a little harder than the last, each one carrying her away from the only true happiness she'd ever known.

}#{|}#{

Carter spent the rest of his short life trying to forget what had happened. He let himself go after Zia left. Sure, he still taught the trainees, but after classes, he sat alone in his room, trying to drink away the pain. He had to hide the smell of alcohol on his breath from the students. The alcohol did nothing to get her face out of his mind...her smile...her laugh, so rare...

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

He dropped the bottle, which shattered on the floor, bits of glass shining on the floor. He made his way to the closet, and pulled out a small package. A pistol.

He wrote a hasty note on a blank sheet of paper. _"I'll love her forever, even after death."_

Taking a deep breath, he pressed the end of the barrel to his temple, and pulled the trigger.

}#{|}#{

Zia was never the same. Sure, she was still the same Zia on the outside: independent and closed off. But what she hid underneath, the pain, the sorrow, the guilt, was more than ever. It was eating her from the inside out, until she couldn't take it anymore.

She began to drink, trying to forget him, forget the pain. It never worked. All the alcohol seemed to do was make the rumors fly faster around her.

Oh gods, the rumors! All the other female magicians seemed to talk about was Zia, and her oddness. She had gotten used to it long ago, but still, no one knew how much she still blamed herself.

One night, it was nearly 2AM. It was not unusual to see her awake then, but this time something was different.

Everything was too much now. She had thought about it previously, but _now_ was the moment. She moved to her nightstand, setting the bottle on it. She opened the drawer carefully, pulling out a black pistol.

Zia picked up a picture from her pillow, one of Carter and herself, so happy and young, and carefree. She held it tightly in her hand, as she raised the gun to the side of her head, taking her final breath as she pulled the trigger.

}#{|}#{

"Hey, man, you okay?" Walt asked, knocking on Carter's door.

No answer. Walt sighed. He should have known. Carter was _never_ okay now. Not without Zia.

He went and entered the room anyway, only to find his best friend, laying face-down in the pillow, blood trickling from the side of his head.

"Sadie...you better get in here."

The Brit stumbled through the door, sleepily. "What i-" She caught sight of her brother. "No. Not Carter." She looked from the pistol in his hand to the side of his head.

}#{|}#{

"Zia, please, its me, Jaz," Jaz said, trying to get her friend's attention.

There was no response; not even a shuffle of feet or shallow breathing.

"Zia?" The blonde entered the room slowly, her eyes widening at the sight of her friend, laying in the pillows, dead.

She couldn't believe her eyes. No...sure, she had been thinking about it, but Jaz had never imagined Zia would actually do it.

But she had. They both had.

}#{|}#{

Zia and Carter were buried next to each other, his note still in his hand, her picture still clenched in her fist. As the dirt was poured over the caskets, the family and close friends of the former-couple began to sing a Whiskey Lullaby.

**A/N: ...you all hate me, don't you? Feel free to flame, I know you guys all hate me now.**


	6. Better Off by Taylor Swift

**Better Off by Taylor Swift**

**A/N: Hey guys! *gets hit by random vegetables* I so deserved that, after the last chapter.**

**I sent the link to my friend, who showed me the song, and she was shocked at the dark thoughts in my mind. xD But she's never going to let me live that down...D:**

**Anyway, I am sorry for murdering Zarter last chapter. This one ish fluffy. No joke! :D Fluff! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song, nor the characters (except Madeline! :D I own someone! Yayz). **

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My life had changed dramatically.

First off, I had started dating Carter. It was...well, nice. I felt that for once, something was _true_ and _permanent_. I knew my feelings for him certainly were true and permanent. That was easily the best part of my life, dating him.

I just wished my only friend, Madeline, would see that Carter and I really love each other, and that he's really sweet and caring.

See, Madeline is a big follower of the First Nome. The First Nome hates Carter...she hates Carter. Not too complicated. Every time I mention him, she gets tense and always seems to make a comment about how I'd be "better off" with someone "loyal" and "lawful".

Honestly, Carter is loyal, just not to the First Nome. Sometimes, I think she confuses Sadie and Carter. Sadie's unlawful. Once I mentioned this to her, and she merely shook her head and said I wouldn't understand it.

One weekend, Carter and I were driving in an old Jeep a few of the trainees at Brooklyn House had fixed up. I think he noticed how deep in thought I was, and asked me what was wrong.

I sighed, leaning against his shoulder, his arm around me.

"Z?"

"Cart?" I managed a half-smile.

He grinned at me, kissing my forehead. "Really, what's wrong?"

"Its just..." I sighed again, grabbing his other hand. "I love you. I hate that people want me to find someone else. They say you're 'not good enough' for me. That you're a 'rebel' and 'unlawful', when I'm some...some..."

"I understand," he whispered, holding me closer. I looked up. "You don't like that your friends-"

"Friend," I corrected.

"Your friend doesn't like me," he continued. "You wish she wouldn't think low of me."

I nodded. "Exactly."

He rubbed my back gently. "Know what? She says you'd be better off with someone else? Would you want anyone else?"

"No," I answered honestly. "I don't need or want anyone but you."

He smiled, his lips hovering above mine. "Same here. All I need is you."

I pressed our lips together, smiling.

**}#{|}#{**

"I love him, Madeline, and that's all that matters!" I argued.

"He's dangerous, Zia! He'll only cause trouble!" She sighed. "Look, I have to go. We'll talk about this tomorrow." With that, she left.

I sighed, sitting on my bed. Madeline was nice; the only other girl around my age here, in the First Nome, and the only one who had ever treated my nicely.

I felt two arms slip around my waist, and someone's head on my shoulder. "Hello," a familiar voice whispered in my ear.

I smiled. "Hello yourself."

Carter kissed my cheek, then moved to sit next to me. "How are you?"

"Okay," I replied with a shrug.

He forced me to look at him, and I tried not to get lost in his eyes. "Z, I know _something's_ wrong. Tell me, please."

I sighed. "Why can't they accept that I love you?"

He wrapped his arms around me. "I don't know. But what I do know is..."

"Yeah?"

"Is that we don't have to do things their way. We can do them our own. And that I love you, and I will forever."

I smiled a little. "You really think we can do this?"

"I can do anything with you by my side."

My smile widened, as our lips met.

_They just don't know Better Off..._

**A/N: Now wasn't that fluffy? Does it make up for the extreme-o angst of last chapter? Or should I do more fluff...or should I do some more fluffy angst (my personal favorite)? Anyway, review please! :D They make me happy!**


	7. The Last Night by Skillet

**The Last Night by Skillet**

**A/N: Hey guys! *is wearing emo jacket* The emo jacket is my black jacket that makes me feel extremely emo. Which, fits the mood of this chapter. *clears throat* Yeah...hehehe. This is pretty angsty.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TKC...which most of you are probably glad about. **sheepish smile****

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"I just can't take this any more, Carter," Zia whispered, her voice soft. But there was another emotion in there: pain. It killed me to know that she was hurting. "I...I just came to say goodbye." She bit her lip, pointedly looking away from me.

"Z-Zia?" I asked, trying to remain calm, and failing miserably. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I won't be around much longer, Carter."

It hit me. I knew she was upset and unhappy, but I didn't know to that extend. "No. Zia...no. I refuse to let you take your life." I grabbed her hand, needing her to stay with me forever. My eyes absently flitted to the scars on her wrist I hadn't noticed before. I couldn't believe I'd let that slip through my gaze. She'd been hurting...and I hadn't noticed. I felt terrible. "Please. I love you." My other hand went to her cheek, forcing her to look into my eyes. "I won't let you go." I finished the speech stubbornly.

I noticed tears sparkling in her eyes, but she was fighting them back. She hated crying, and I knew that. "C-Carter..."

"Zia. Please, no. I'll do anything. I'll be anything you need me to be. _Anything_."

She looked into my eyes. I think something clicked in her mind, maybe what she needed, maybe that she didn't need it. Any way, she pulled her slender wrist away from my grip, wrapping the arm around my neck, pulling me into a tight embrace. I was shocked, but I slipped my free arm around her waist, holding her close, determined to never let go. She buried her face in my shirt, and it soon became damp.

"I hate crying," she mumbled.

I caressed her cheek softly. "I know. I hate...I hate how upset you are. It's killing me slowly and painfully, Zia. I hate it."

She closed her eyes tightly. "It's not your fault."

"I know it isn't. I still feel the way I do though."

"Carter?"

"Zia?"

"You know how you said you would do anything for me, and be anything for me?"

"I mean it," I said forcefully.

"Always be there," she whispered, so I had to strain to hear her. "Never leave me."

"I'd do that anyway," I told her. "I love you, Zia Rashid."

"I love you, Carter Kane," she whispered, relief filling her voice, as she rested her head on my heart.

_This is the last night you'll spend alone..._

**A/N: ...any of you ready to kill me? AT LEAST I ADDED A BIT OF (ANGSTY) FLUFF. *hides under table anyway* So...review?**


	8. Fearless by Taylor Swift

**Fearless by Taylor Swift**

**A/N: Hey guys! I got a request for a fluffy chapter, and fluffy this one is. :D It's pretty good, in my opinion.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither characters or the song.**

**Dedication: I dedicate this to my other half, my carbon copy, FlameTamer16. Flame, you made me Fearless. Without you, I'd...well, I'd still be hiding in the corner, afraid. But I'm not, thanks to you. You've shown me the world, and I know I can't life without you. I love you, sis. :)**

**AND THAT LAST LINE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN IN THE FLORI WAY.**

**Z**

**I**

**A**

Carter and I walked out of the small restaurant he'd decided to take me to for our first date. It had rained while we'd been eating, and I couldn't help but notice how the asphalt faintly glowed, with the puddles on the black pavement. I breathed in deeply, smelling the clean, fresh scent of rainwater. Growing up, the smell had been nearly nonexistent, so I had come to love it.

We walked back to Brooklyn House—which was feeling more and more like home with each passing day—hand in hand. Admittedly, it felt very nice, much nicer than I'd ever thought about. Not that I'd thought about holding Carter's hand, and what it would feel like...

With his free hand, he ran his fingers through his hair. A part of me—most definitely not my mind, which was screaming in protest to all of this—almost wished it was my fingers in his hair. My heart, however, was pounding quite loudly, and something told me that this was _right_. It sure felt that way. I felt I could trust him with anything, that he wouldn't break me, that he wouldn't betray me, he would hold me through the tears and the laughter.

I never wanted this night to end. In everything I'd ever done, I'd never felt something that made me feel so alive, so beautiful, so intelligent, so free. He made me feel like I'd never had pain, like nothing bad had ever happened. The reason for that? He was _taking away_ the pain. He'd had the same, and knew how much it hurts. I wished I could only do the same for him, take away the pain, make it so it didn't hurt anymore.

"Care to dance?" Carter asked, a wide grin lighting up his face.

I contemplated this for a moment, my heart finally winning over my mind. "Sure."

He took my hands, and we began to dance, right there on the sidewalk in front of Brooklyn House. It was imperfect, with both of us being rather clumsy, but it made me smile. Soon, the two of us were laughing and grinning, neither really caring that the rain was falling again.

I realized we were closer than we had been before. I could feel his breath on my face, on my lips, as they met his softly.

A first kiss.

Something I never expected to share with Carter Kane.

Even so...it was imperfectly perfect.

It was fearless.

Nothing else mattered, except the fact that he was _there_, and that was all I ever needed to live, to be happy, to simply...stay strong. As long as he was by my side, I knew I could fight on, continue to push back whatever demons out future held—real or metaphorical.

But none of that mattered. I could handle any blow anyone threw at me, as long as he was by my side, right there with me.

I realized how refreshing the rain felt as we pulled away. It was as if all the pain was being washed away, forgotten. I smiled at him, his dark curls plastered to his forehead by the water.

He took my hand, dragging me inside the mansion, a place I never thought I'd call home. But, hey, maybe that's not being afraid of changing. And if it is, I only have that strength because of him.

_You take my hand and drag me headfirst, Fearless..._

**A/N: This really means a lot to me. I admit, I poured my feelings into this one. I have a person who's made me Fearless, and I think Zia and Carter do that for each other. Anywho, I have a few quotes...**

"**...To me, 'FEARLESS' is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS means having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshman year of highschool at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting up and fighting for what you want, over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday, things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say 'you're NOT sorry' and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. Allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being all right...that's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily-ever-after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."~Taylor Alison Swift, songwriter, singer.**

**Okay, so it was one mega-quote. But it was epic. So...review? For the mega-quote? Tell me what it means to you!**


	9. Never Felt This Way Before By Alicia Key

**Never Felt This Way by Alicia Keys**

**A/N: Hey guys! Merry Christmas! Even if you don't celebrate it, here's my gift to you guys! ITS FLUFFY. :D YAYZ. FLUFF. _ZARTER_ FLUFF. But yeah. Merry Christmas, here's a fluffy chapter as a present that has no relation to the holiday at all...blah blah blah.**

**Sadie: *randomly bursts in* YOU DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**

**Different: I own the writing.**

**Sadie: But not the song or the characters.**

**Different: Meh.**

Zia Rashid was completely and one-hundred percent in love with Carter Kane.

Everything about him mesmerized her. The way he laughed, loved and simply...lived.

She had been a girl sorely deprived of love. Up until she was eight, she was only loved by her father, and he was eventually killed. Her mother had never loved her, or at least showed it. When her family died, she found Iskandar, who had loved her like a daughter, yes. But that had been all too short. He had passed as well. Leaving her alone.

From the beginning, she felt _something_ for Carter. At the start, it seemed stupid, irrelevant to the rest of her life. But soon, she found herself slipping into thoughts about him more and more often. She'd learned not to look into his eyes, knowing that she just might lose herself in them. She was scared; it was all so new. She felt so strongly for him. Sure, she had been loved, not much, but still loved, but nothing had been like _this_. He could control her, if he wanted to.

But, of course, nothing was simple. Zia decided everything was all too risky, and hid what she truly felt. She hid behind her mask of "I don't care" and tried not to let it show.

_Tried._

In the end, she had failed, and admitted to herself, to him, that she was in love with him, no matter how damn hard she tried not to be.

_He's a rebel, he's dangerous, he's not safe to put your trust in, he'll hurt you..._

All of that was a lie, no matter how much she tried to tell herself otherwise. Sure, he was a rebel, but he was kind and sweet. He loved his family with all his heart, and tried to be strong for his trainees. He had a good heart and mind. He wasn't dangerous, he was actually one of the safest, most careful person she'd ever come to know. And not safe to put her trust in? Hell no. He _understood_ what it felt like, nothing being permanent. He knew she needed somewhere safe to stay, to put her faith in. As for hurting her...he'd never. He loved her just as much as she loved him.

}#{|}#{

"I missed you," Zia whispered to him, as the couple sat on a chair in the library, simply enjoying each others' company.

"I missed you too, Z," he murmured, tightening his arms around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes locking on his.

After a brief, comfortable silence, she finally spoke. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows, tilting her head up to look at him more directly.

"Letting me trust you," she answered. "And keeping me from being alone."

"It's my pleasure," he answered, grinning.

"All I'll never need is you," she whispered, her head slipping to his chest, listening to his heart beat. The soft sound calmed her.

"You'll have what you need then," he informed her, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

"Forever?" she asked.

"Forever," he confirmed. "I promise."

"I've never felt this way before," she admitted. "But I like it. A lot."

"I love you, Z."

_I've never felt this way about love and it feels so good..._

**A/N: So, how was the ending? I have no clue why I ended it there. I just did. I like it, don't you? Anyway, review please and thank you! :D**


	10. Breathe by Taylor Swift

**Breathe by Taylor Swift**

**A/N: Hey guys! :) Sorry for the slow updates, but school and family is busy for me! This has been bouncing around in my head ever since I read ToF, and I was listening to this song while doing so. It just...was in my head. I just now got a chance to write it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TKC or the song, which belong to Ricky Riordan and Taylor Swift, respectively.**

**Z**  
><strong>I<strong>  
><strong>A<strong>

I looked over my shoulder, just able to catch one last glimpse of Carter before the swirling sand blocked my eyes from meeting his. My feet suddenly hit solid ground, no longer just sand. I remembered back when I used to call this place, the First Nome, home. Now...something always seemed to be missing. Like, a part of me was missing. A big part. But I couldn't quite put my finger on what exactly...

"Good night, Zia," Chief Lector Amos said, giving me a smile before he slipped into his chambers.

"Good night," I replied, opening the door to my own chambers, just off the Hall Of The Ages. I set my bag down on the chair by the door, just like I always did.

A few hours later, I was still awake, attempting to fall asleep. And failing, I might add. I sighed, moving to sit on the window sill. It was an oddly cool night, a soft breeze blowing through the open window. I looked out over the small courtyard, deep in thought about a certain Kane.

Carter Kane, to be exact.

When I was with him...something happened. I didn't feel broken, or alone like I normally do. It made me smile, and breathing a little easier. With him...I didn't have to worry. Well, as much. There was also something about him that made me want to give everything up, throw away all the lies and false smiles that held me together. I felt like I was flying and I never, ever wanted to come down.

But I had to. That was the problem. That had to end. I kept telling myself this, that nothing would last forever. There was something—_something—_ him though, that made me think otherwise. That I could find something that would last forever.

And that that something was closer than I might think.

The Kane boy confused me greatly. He was so kind and selfless...it was oddly refreshing to see someone like that in the modern world, where everyone seemed to be selfish and mean to each other. I wondered why he was like that. He was a Kane...Kanes were rebels...weren't rebels supposed to be the bad guys? The ones who always ended up losing and learning that their selfish and awful ways were wrong?

But...he wasn't selfish. He was quite the opposite. That was what confused me. Did that mean he wasn't a rebel? Or that maybe the Kanes weren't rebels at all...

I shook my head violently. No, the thought was preposterous. The Kanes were rebels...weren't they?

I grumbled, leaning my head back against the window. "He's making me change my thinking," I muttered.

_But is that a bad thing?_

I wanted to slap Nephthys, but I realized she was right. Maybe is wasn't as bad as I'd thought it to be.

Maybe he was trustworthy. Maybe I could trust Carter. He seemed nice enough...but then again, you never know.

I'd lived by rules; never trust anyone else, never show your feelings, always remain strong...but he made me want to break them.

A feeling bubbled in my stomach. It was warm and...happy. A peaceful calm of the chaotic world around me.

And I realized it was the exact same feeling that came with being with Carter. The same peace and sheer happiness, that wasn't all butterflies and rainbows either.

I thought back to how it had felt leaving him. _Like I was leaving a piece of myself behind..._

I thought back to how damn hard it was to leave him. _Why?_

I thought back to the way he'd make me feel. _I feel so vulnerable...yet so safe...is that even possible? I blame Kane for making me contradict myself..._

I thought back to...everything.

And I realized that, maybe, just maybe, everything was a little harder without Carter. He was like a shining light at the end of the tunnel I never seemed to reach, but needed desperately.

_Like the air you never seem to be able to inhale?_ Nephthys suggested. _And the only air around you is toxic?_

_Pretty much..._ I thought to her. _You're quite skilled at metaphors._

I felt the goddess smile. _Only because I've been in your shoes._

Soon, sleep overcame me, thankfully a dreamless one.

When morning came, I was reminded of the goddess's words of last night.

"_The air you never seem to be able to inhale."_

"This isn't easy for me either, Carter Kane," I whispered, even though I knew he wasn't there. "I hope you know that."

_I can't breathe without you...but I have to..._

**A/N: How was Zia's character? I think I got her okay, but I still feel like there's something OOC about her...meh. Call me a perfectionist. :P Ah well. Review please! Constructive criticism is always appreciated!**


	11. Why Don't You Love Me by Hot Chelle Rae

**Why Don't You Love Me by Hot Chelle Rae feat. Demi Lovato**

**A/N: Hey! I hope you guys all like this. I stumbled upon the song on Pandora, and I fell in love with it. And I thought it fit Zarter pretty dang well. Presto, you have this songfic. xD Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Me no owny.**

Seeing Zia was like being pulled deeper into a nightmare for Carter. One nightmare that had been his life for the past four months. Well, the past month. The first three had been frantic, trying to find her. And then, she didn't feel the same way about him...she didn't love him, the way he loved her. He was trapped, and desperately wanted to escape. Unfortunately for him, freedom didn't seem to be coming any time soon.

_I'm in a nightmare that keeps playing over again, hung up on you..._

And here she was again. His uncle and her were here for a visit, and it hurt to be so near her, but she was so far. Her shoulders were tense, as usual, her lips—her soft lips, the ones he just wanted to press his to—forming their usual scowl, her amber eyes emotionless. Somehow, they ended up next to each other on the deck, neither saying a word. Zia wanted to say _something_, maybe apologize for everything she'd put him through, but she couldn't find the words. Carter was afraid that anything he—or she—would say would only end in more heartbreak and pain.

"So..." she began, her tone guarded, blocked.

"How have you been?" His dark eyes met hers. He realized how much taller he was than her, nearly six inches.

She tilted her chin up slightly, to look at him. "I've been fine," she answered, routinely, never giving another answer to that question, no matter what. "You?"

"Same," he replied, though his eyes said differently; they told of sorrow and sadness. He was quaking underneath the pressure forced upon his shoulders. He felt alone, no matter who surrounded him, because _she_ was hardly ever there. And when she was, she was so tense and guarded. She'd lost all trust of anyone in the world, wanted to be on her own.

_And you're cool with just being friends..._

She was also scared out of her wits. He made her heart pound, her mind spin. It was an odd exhilaration. The effect he had on her was humongous, and it terrified her that someone could have that much control over her. She was also a clever girl, and had recognized a pattern; every person she'd ever loved had died, snatched away from her. She knew if that were to happen with Carter, her tired, bruised and scarred heart wouldn't be able to take it. She wouldn't be able to take it. Luckily, she was good at hiding those things, the terror and confusion.

_I'm just too scared, to tell you the truth. My heart, it can't take anymore..._

A silence came between the two, as they stared into each other's eyes, mesmerized.

"Have you really been fine?" he asked, finally.

She paused for a second, her eyes searching his for any sign of betrayal or unfaithfulness. She saw none. But still...she was scared of losing him. "Yes. I've been fine. And you?"

Carter decided not to lie about this. "Truthfully...no."

Zia nodded, knowing part of that reason was herself. She hated that. She wanted to heal that pain, not cause it. "Is...is it because of me?" she asked softly.

He looked away. "Yeah."

She winced. "Sorry."

He turned his gaze back to her, surprised she said that. "Really?" She nodded, closing her eyes. This was followed by another long silence. Finally, he decided to ask something.

"Why don't you love me?"

_Why don't you love me, baby?_

**A/N: Sorry it was so short. :-/ Review? :)**


	12. Catch Me by Demi Lovato

**Catch Me by Demi Lovato**

**A/N: Hiya. Anyway, this is for HyperAndProudOfIt's Zarter songfic contest! :D I've had this one in my head for a while now, since I heard it on Pandora Radio about a month or two ago. P: Long time, huh? Blame school. Anyway, I hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: The characters/place belongs to Rick Riordan. The song belongs to Demi Lovato.**

The half moon was shining a bright white in contrast to the dark night sky over the heads of Zia Rashid and Carter Kane, as they stood on the large deck of Brooklyn House. Neither was talking, both lost in their own thoughts, mostly about the person beside them, so close, yet painfully so. There was a tense, empty void between them, placed between them, as if it were a wall, separating them. That wall was slowly crumbling away though.

Zia rested her chin on her hand, the faint breeze brushing her short black hair from her face. Carter pointedly avoided her gaze, feeling his face flush at his thoughts of how beautiful she looked. He turned his gaze to out over the streets of Brooklyn, filled with normal mortals. He almost wished he was one. His life would sure be simpler...but would he have met the same people? He wouldn't be the same person he was today. Nor would he have met her. He couldn't help but wonder how she, the girl so achingly close, felt for him. It had been a pleasant surprise when she and his Uncle Amos had showed up at their door a few hours ago. He was even more surprised that they had managed to spend a few hours without getting into an argument. It was nice, having a peaceful moment.

_Keep it sweet, keep it slow. Let the future pass, and don't let go..._

Zia knew exactly what she wanted, what she _needed_: Carter Kane, the boy so painfully close to her, yet so far away it made her heart ache and feel like it would soon explode, or even just simply crumble away. He made her forget whatever else was happening, and get lost in the few moments they shared. Her thoughts about him always made her smile. She found herself laughing for no apparent reason. Whenever she was with him, a smile adorned her lips, and she felt...free, like she could fly. Of course, not _all_ of her agreed with the euphoria of flying that met with his embrace. Her mind screamed in protest every time she cracked a grin at him, or merely a memory or thought of him crossed her usual thoughts.

_You're so hypnotizing..._

Of course, she was terrified. When she was asked to accompany Amos to the First Nome, she accepted gladly. She needed time to think. Something about him, Carter, confused her greatly. Everything about him, even his flaws, made her heart pound a little harder, a little faster in her chest. She had run away from her problems, like a child. She chided herself mentally, knowing that wasn't a noble or brave thing to do. She told him she needed her time to breathe, but he was far from suffocating her. Maybe it was quite the opposite, maybe he was helping her breathe easier... But Zia was so confused, she wouldn't know either way.

She was unsure of almost everything, everything in this new world she'd been thrown into without warning. Before, she had only need herself. Now...could she rely on herself to catch herself? She wasn't sure. Maybe she _did_ need someone else...but how could she trust them? What if they left her? She remembered herself saying something back before she even knew Carter. _"Every hello ends with a goodbye."_ She'd trained herself early on to never trust anyone but herself, and even that was falling. If she couldn't trust herself, who _could_ she trust? Even if he didn't leave her on purpose, what if he was _forced _away from her? If she let him into her heart, and then something happened and suddenly he wasn't there any more, she didn't think she could stand that, losing him.

_And I can see this unraveling, and your love is where I'm falling..._

All she knew was that he made her feel so alive, more so than she had in a while. She could feel her heart beat, the blood rush through her viens, and it made her feel _alive_.

She had been so determined not to fall, and thought she wouldn't but when her eyes met his, her will crumbled. She was giving up, giving up on the lies, the fakeness, the false smiles that she used to use to bind herself together, keep herself from crumbling. No, now she'd be truthful about her feelings with at least one person, a person who could hold her together, catch the tears that fell. And that person would be Carter Kane. Suddenly, falling didn't seem so scary. She had something else to catch her. _Someone_ else.

The truth in his eyes told her that whatever happened, he'd be there to catch her.

Still, Zia was one with trust issues.

"Carter?" she asked, her voice hushed, a hint of timidness creeping into her voice.

"Zia?" he whispered, smiling slightly, a smile that made _her_ smile, and her heart beat like crazy, despite her attempts at keeping it calm.

"If I fell...would you catch me?" The question slipped out of her lips, not bothering to consult her mind for that.

He smiled wider, having a feeling to where this was going, even if it was only a start. "Is this a metaphor, or literal?"

She laughed lightly. "Both, I guess."

"Yes," he answered.

"Then be ready to catch me," she whispered, before pressing her lips to his in a soft, gentle kiss.

As they both pulled back, his eyes wide and happy, a wide smile on her lips.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. She grinned up at him, her own arms winding around his neck.

"Caught you," he whispered in her ear, making her shiver.

_I'm giving up, so just Catch Me..._

__**A/N: Hellos! :D How was it? I rather liked it, but I'm a perfectionist, so I think it should be longer. Any other suggestions? Thanks. Review please! :)**


	13. Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys

**Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys**

**A/N: Warning: Depressing/guilty!Zia ahead.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own.**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALLIE! :D**

Zia looked up at the velvety night sky, thankful for the darkness shrouding her in darkness. She rested her chin on her hands, trying to ignore the biting loneliness swelling inside of her. The feeling was unpleasantly familiar to her. Her eyelids fluttered gently shut, bringing a wave of memories with the darkness, ones she longer to go back to and change the way she acted, say things she had kept silent.

"_Stay safe, Z," he murmured softly, chocolate eyes searching for hers. He wrapped his hand around her wrist, fingers sliding over the soft skin._

_She fought back a shiver, pulling her arm away from him, instantly missing it, but shoving the thoughts aside. "You too," she muttered, voice emotionless._

_He visibly winced, obviously stung by her response, then turned and walked away. Her amber eyes shifted to his back, slumped over and looking defeated, like he'd given up. "It's for the better," she mumbled bitterly to herself._

Zia flinched at the memory, wishing she had only left her hand in his for a little longer, let herself enjoy the sensation. Wishing she had actually told him – with her true intentions – that she hoped he would stay safe too.

_Oh, I just want it to be the way it used to be..._

Too bad. Maybe if she'd meant it, maybe if she'd given him some form of hope, she wouldn't be standing here so alone.

_She sat by the side of his cot, whispering hopeless things about how Jaz would heal him, and how it would be all right. She can hear Sadie, completely distraught, on the other side of him, murmuring the same things. She didn't even know _why _she was saying these things; they both knew it was hopeless now, he'd lost too much blood._

_But then, with a sputtering gasp, his heart stops. His breath no longer leaves his lips. Forevermore, he's still._

_Dead._

Just _thinking _the word made Zia wince. Knowing he was gone was having some sort of affect on her – like Iskandar's death and her family's.

She shoved the thought aside. No, it wasn't possible. She had loved those people...what _did _she feel for Carter? Friendship? Something sibling? Romance?

It just didn't make a lick of _sense, _especially the last suggestion. He was Carter _Kane_. A rebel. She couldn't...love him. Could she?

Of course, she should have known, right from when he started fighting seven demons at once, like the recklessly brave hero he was.

_With a grunt of pain, he fell to the ground, blood seeping from between his fingers, where a long and seemingly deep cut crossed his chest. She whirled around, hair and robes flying as she quickly tackled the demon who went in for another stab – right over his heart. After a brief but violent scuffle, she managed to reduce the vermin to a pile of disgusting-smelling sand._

_She turned around to find him, eyes shut tightly, clutching his bloodied shirt in his fist._

"_Z-Zia..." he moaned, tears cutting through the sandy grime coating his face._

"_Carter," she replied, almost formally, kneeling beside him, golden eyes raking over his injured body. "I'll get a healer." She stood and walked away, leaving him in the sand, crying and twisting in pain._

Zia felt tears sting her eyes, remorse filling the empty space in her. It was stupid to just get up and walk away like that. Now, after the events had come to pass, all she wanted to do was rewind back to that time and do quite the opposite.

They _had_ had their moments where they had seemed...more. The times when they weren't stressed or worried or just plain upset. They were rare, but...nice.

_He spun her around the kitchen, laughter filling the air, making the world just seem happier. She had her arms around his neck, with his around her waist, as the pair danced to the music wafting from Jaz's guitar on the deck. Zia could smell Carter scent – like paper and possibly...candy? She didn't know, but didn't care either. She liked it, she was just enjoying the moment, the troubles and prospects of war fading away as if they weren't there._

Zia smiled sadly at the flashback, remembering exactly how it felt to be in his arms, so secure, so _safe_. If she had the power, she would have traveled through time back to that moment, and live in it forever. It was so happy, so sustaining, it seemed to be able to keep her alive.

"You can't, so you should just stop dreaming," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes tightly, trembling. She would give _anything _to go back and change how she'd acted, knock some sense into her mind.

What was 'sense' anyway? On one hand, it was not liking him, loving him, whatever the feelings were. On the other, it was the happiness that came with his grin, the one he always seemed to reserve just for her...

"Damnit!" she yelled, not caring who heard her, slamming her fist into the metal bars rimming the balcony, memories and questions swirling in her mind, confusing her until they are unintelligible. She winced at the contact of metal on her hand, but didn't care; it almost made the sadness welling inside of her lessen.

Only one question is one she can understand.

"_Why do I feel so sad?"_

Why did his death make her this way? Was it even that? Did she miss him more than she had thought she would? Would she ever find someone like him?

A conclusion struck her suddenly. Maybe she did feel something more than family love for him...maybe the feelings had been bubbling underneath the surface all along, and she had just been ignoring them.

But it wasn't the first time. Other people she had loved had been torn from her, just as brutally. Why wasn't there a callous over her heart by now? Why did it still clench with despair every time she lost someone else? She'd thought she had one, to protect it, but now she was in such emotional pain, it made her wonder how strong the barriers she had surrounded herself were.

_By now, I should know, that things must change, so it shouldn't be so bad..._

Maybe.

The word seemed to hate her, it popped up so much. It never gave an answer, only possibilities.

It seemed to be too late for possibilities now, that he was dead.

Even as she sighed, and walked away from the balcony, the question arose in her mind over and over again:

Why _did _she feel so sad about this?

_Why do I feel so sad, if it couldn't be that bad?_

**A/N: I killed Carter again. Dx Review please? :3**

**~Different**


	14. Cold As You by Taylor Swift

**Cold As You by Taylor Swift**

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the slooooow update, but I had some writer's block. :(**

**Oh, and I've been addicted to this site called Tumblr. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Song belongs to the amazing Taylor Swift. Characters belong to the awesome Rick Riordan.**

It was supposed to be their perfect day. She'd finally agreed to go on the date with him, and he was utterly ecstatic.

He would have canceled, had he known that she would be an emotionless brick wall. [Because she was terrified of showing him her emotions.]

Finally, as they reached home, he couldn't take it. He snapped. [Maybe it did hurt that he was angry with her.]

"What is with you?" he yelled, turning towards her, anger flashing in his eyes. [Angry that she doesn't feel the same.]

She looked at him, scarily calm. Her eyes showed him nothing – just the same amber pools he always saw. [The ones he still thought were completely beautiful.]

"What do you mean, Carter?" Her voice matched her mood, the same serenity he knew wasn't true. [She's broken inside, however much she stubbornly refuses to show it.]

"Why would you agree to go on a date with someone who you won't even _talk _to? Or look in the eye properly? Or act like you're _happy _to be with?" [Why is all he wants to know. Why she hurts him this way. Why he's not good enough for her. Why she doesn't love him]

[Because she's scared of saying something she shouldn't. Because she was scared her emotions would flicker across her eyes, even just for a second. Because she was scared of enjoying the happiness, then plunging into sorrow again.]

She simply shrugged as an answer, pretending not to notice the rain now falling from the angry gray sky, the clouds looking much like their tempers.

"I'm not what you wanted, so you just do what _you _want!" he accused.

[You're wrong, she thinks to herself. I do want you, but I'm not going to admit it aloud.]

"Say something!" he cried, clenching his fists. "Stop hiding behind those walls you've put up!"

[She won't stop hiding. It's the only safety she's ever known.]

"You don't give a _single damn thing_! It's so _useless _to defend this – you'll never feel the same!" [It's a lie, she does feel the same. Just not brave enough to admit it. She was gutsy, but when it came to feelings, she was a coward.] He turned around, tears mingling with the rain that slid down his face. She watched him walk away, standing there, still as ever. Almost like a lion or tiger waiting to pounce on her prey – but not sure if it was worth the risk. She might starve and die without it, but was it worth it? Wouldn't it be simpler just to die?

Maybe being so frigid had its disadvantages.

_Oh, what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day..._

**A/N: Hope you liked it. :) I might update Simple Moments later.**

**Reviews are always welcome! ;)**

**~Tori**


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